Friday, August 20, 2010

Tears Not From Joy


We took a trip to visit my parents a mildly long drive away. We stayed for 3 days. Everything was relaxed and taken care of. My mom cooked delicious meals. The kids played with my childhood toys. We swam in the pool and enjoyed the water slide. My dad gave my two big kids extra special time and attention. I got to chat lots with my mom. We stayed up late watching movies together. Baby E. and I slept in every morning. Perfect. Super. Lots of photo op.s and smiles and puppies... well, cute little dogs that look like puppies.

But. So. I am Super-Mom. Super-Woman. Super-Wife. Super. Super. Super full of shhhhhh.... Each day magnified the imperfections and the so-not-super-ness that is me. That is my almost-9-year-old telling me to get lost. My 4 year old son reverting to communicating via loud grunts, throwing things, and even hitting me. My nearly-3-year-old daughter telling me amongst other things, "Don't tell me what to do Mommy!" and my 7-year-old daughter proclaiming, "You don't even care about me Mommy.". Where the hell are you, Super-Mom, that I am supposed to be? Why? Why aren't you ever enough? Why are you crying Super-Mom?! Super-Mom, why are you crying tears not from joy?

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