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Monday, May 19, 2014

Which Hat Shall I Wear?

Tomorrow could be a very important day. I'm not being philisophical or metaphorical.
I'm gearing up for a very scary meeting with my oncologist. 
I underwent a PET CT scan yesterday. Tomorrow, we receive the results and there's a possibility that my future depends on the outcome - my treatment certainly does.

The last PET scan told us that the tumors were spreading and growing quickly. I immediately began chemotherapy treatment with Carboplatin and Gemzar. After one treatment, my blood counts plummeted and I was unable to continue treatment for a number of weeks. I received a lowered and delayed dose of Gemzar and my blood counts were, once again, depleted. My oncology team decided to switch me from Carboplatin to Cisplatin, in hope that my blood would respond better. I've never been so sick in my life! Three days after treatment with combined Cisplatin and Gemzar, I basically got into bed and couldn't do much for an entire week. My blood counts reached an all time low and I haven't had chemotherapy since... nearly a month. The good news is, my CA125 cancer markers went down significantly after only one dose of chemotherapy. We are optimistic.

I feel like I've arrived at a crossroad. Which direction will this cancer Journey take me next? We received word from Champions Oncology that my mice, at Johns Hopkins, are living it up, healthy and cancer-free. Great news for the mice; terrible news for me. Based on the results of the PET CT, we'll know if and how much those few chemo treatments had an impact on the cancerous tumors. We'll find out if there's been progression of disease or triumph over it. We'll also find out if there are tumors that can be accessed and removed. If tissue can be safely removed, I'll have a second chance at receiving designer chemotherapy. My tumor/s would be grafted (again) into mice and flown to Johns Hopkins for further research and testing.

Tomorrow could be a very big day. I'm preparing myself for feeling some powerful emotions.

How about this hat? Should I wear it to my appointment tomorrow? 

I'm leaning towards a yes on the hat...


  1. Wear the hat!! I have always worn funky hats for every occasion. In fact, one year (on Purim) I wore my hatbox to Eitz Chaim, so DO IT!!!!!! Caveat: My children will not be seen with me on such occasions!

  2. hat perfect...woman awesome!

  3. Who cares about the hat? Wear the smile!

  4. Whatever the news is tomorrow (and we are all davening for the very best outcome) you have a thousand pairs of arms holding you in support x

  5. Love you Ahava Emunah

    In my prayers you are.... Hashem is with you.

    May there only be always good news for you.

  6. Yes love love that hat and LOVE you, that smile, and your positivity is just so stunning and moving. We are prayering for those results to be whole and healed which is exactly how you are and how I see you. xo

  7. Oh yeah. The hat. Totally.
    It's you :-)
    Holding your hand in my thoughts. Praying for you out loud.

  8. Thinking of you and sending good healthy vibes always!!!

  9. sending all of our love!
    (and yes on the hat)

  10. Hi, I wish you strength, love and encouragement on your journey. I hope you are seeking out para-medical support, such as massage. B'hazlacha!

  11. so wonderful that you have the courage and pzazz to reach out so fetchingly at this moment; I wish you a joyful refuah shleyma and look forward to meeting in person, sharing ju-bu-eco-feminist-yiddishkayt and an appreciation of over-the-top hats.

  12. Ahava Emuna - You are making the world a better place.