I haven't slept well for quite a few nights and tonight is the same (it's nearly 3 AM). The anticipation of a PET scan and impending results is a special kind of hell. I hesitated about writing any of this at all....
I'm afraid to write anything because the road ahead of me is still long and winding. I stopped living from-chemo-to-chemo. I found my own way to keep going and enjoy life in spite of an uncertain future. At times, I'm able to put cancer completely aside. This Journey has taught me that I need to let go. I need to embrace love, faith, and happiness. I stopped focusing on, The Fight, and "the killing" of cancer, and also, perhaps especially, I began focusing on the healing.
This afternoon, as David and I trembled with anticipation, my oncologist told us that the results of the PET CT scan are the best we could've hoped for! It shows that the tumors are responding well to the treatment!
It's an enchanted gift wrapped in a daringly fragile bow and I want to grab it and run. It's like being in that dream where you try to speak but you have no voice. You try to run but your body moves in slow motion. Keeping my eyes on the horizon, I have to jog forward.... completely embraced in love and support and prayers. Miracles happen every single day and this one is mine.