Translate into any language

Sunday, January 5, 2014

What Can I Say?

If you are a person with a lot of faith, you'd say that I'm being put through quite a "test". Many people who love and care about me keep reminding me that I'm "a warrior" and a "fighter". What else can you say? If you're in the age range of social media usage and text lingo the only "word" to describe it is, WTF?!? ...Because I have officially run out of answers. Perhaps that's the test? To have many questions, no answers, and only miracles. I'm holding onto everyone's prayers, tehillim (psalms), and just... hoping.

I need some miracles. Let's pray that the Almighty Above says, "YES!" to our prayers. Metastatic cancer in the liver and lung isn't good. I'm scared because I don't want to lose my hope. In my somewhat short life of 38 years, I've never felt so close to drowning as I do now. For two whole days, I was lost beyond return. What's going to happen??? Nobody can answer me. We are trying to find reasons to feel hopeful about a bad situation now.

I feel physically healthy and strong enough to go out on 10 KM runs every other day... so how can I have stage 4 cancer? It doesn't make sense. I know, I'm supposed to enjoy every moment that I have now and hope for the best. Hope that we can create a treatment that will work.

This week, I'm having surgery to try to remove a tumor in my lung and have pieces of the tumor grafted into mice. Personalized oncology, designer chemotherapy... whatever you want to call it. I need this to work but we won't know for a few months. Those mice are going to have to travel to the United States and hopefully they'll stay alive for a very long time with some successful chemo drugs!

For now, just keeping things real... and trying to keep on moving forward.


  1. I can only groan and take a deep inhale/exhale here. WTF is right! I'm doing whatever is in my limited capacity to do from here (davening, tehillim, challah and spreading your name for others to do the same).
    I know you're over-your-eyeballs preoccupied, but did you call Dr. Dorit Arad (re: amino acid testing)?

    "Stage 4" is a label b/c of the spread -- it doesn't mean you're doomed. They caught it while it's super-tiny, before normal detection devices would usually pick it up, right? That is the key.
    I'm sorry to be like a guy about it, and look to "fix it" instead of offering just a shoulder to cry on (I do offer that too), but have you or the doc explored cryoablation? Here's a really informative link:
    You have the ultimate combination of being Mary-Sunshine with "piss n' vinegar" (pardon the expression). Too much so to just hang your head and go along quietly. Hang onto that! Look at your Dad for inspiration. Keep running! Sending good healing vibes and encouragement your way. We're all in your corner. ((((hugs)))) Leah S.

  2. Jennifer BertoldoSunday, January 05, 2014

    Praying for you, praying for that "YES" and healing!!!!

  3. Erika, I want to wish you the best of luck with your surgery. I hope and pray that those mice will give you some good answers.

    M, aka P.A. (from Inspire)

  4. Which hospital are you being treated at? We are in Hadassah all next week.- Elouise

  5. I've had all of my treatment at Shaare Zedek Medical Center

  6. David and I are learning every night in the name of your complete recovery. We hope the surgery this week goes easily and well. We are just a few doors down if you need help.
    Xoxo Cindy and David (Richard)

  7. I am so sorry to learn of your recurrence. I'm also a mom who was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer; my daughters are now five and two. Right after my diagnosis, I was in a very dark place, utterly consumed with thoughts of what would happen to my children. For me, an antidepressant and therapy with a counselor trained in oncology were helpful in making me feel like myself again; this is just an incredibly difficult situation to deal with at any age, but especially with young kids at home. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to contact me if it would be helpful to talk to someone in a similar situation.

  8. Keep writing, Erika, and telling us your thoughts. It helps move our tefillot for you. Many of us are pulling for you. You're our Jewish sister, even though we don't know you.

    You matter. We care.
    Refuah Shleima