Sometimes, in the dark of the night when I am tossing and turning, and trying to fall asleep, I have awake-mares. Nightmares that taunt me about the chemotherapy not working and that's a terrifying reality that I try not to consider. One way that I encourage myself that the chemotherapy is doing its job is by watching the clumps of hair fall out onto my comb each day.
I'm 3 weeks out of an emergency surgery to repair an incisional hernia, which had 3 or 4 sacs of strangulated tumors mixed with incarcerated small intestine entrapped in each sac. Each day I feel better however I'm still wearing a brace and feeling the dull aches and pains from the surgery. Each day is better than the last.
Focusing on each day being better than the last is the way that I make it through each day. I distract myself from negativity by doing positive things. From the cuddles with my kids in my bed to the wonderful outings with girlfriends to the beach.... These precious life moments get me through the pain.
Lately I've been hearing Annie singing in my head, The Sun Will Come Out Tommorrow! I haven't returned to my exercise routine yet, of course, but I've started taking 5KM walks with my beloved husband. I'm so thankful that I'm able to walk and enjoy the evening breeze and sun setting as we walk hand in hand around the nearby village of Yishi together.
I must cherish each day... Not knowing what tomorrow will bring is my reality and the truth is - it's everyone's reality.
Take it all in. Take a deep breath.... The only way to move is forward or not at all.