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Friday, May 27, 2016

The Sun Will Come Out...

How does one count down to something that they know is going to bring great pain? I can tell you how… It's called the chemo countdown. On one hand I know that I will probably be suffering for a few difficult weeks after chemotherapy. I also know that after chemotherapy hopefully the cancer cells are being zapped into oblivion! 

Sometimes, in the dark of the night when I am tossing and turning, and trying to fall asleep, I have awake-mares. Nightmares that taunt me about the chemotherapy not working and that's a terrifying reality that I try not to consider. One way that I encourage myself that the chemotherapy is doing its job is by watching the clumps of hair fall out onto my comb each day.

I'm 3 weeks out of an emergency surgery to repair an incisional hernia, which had 3 or 4 sacs of strangulated tumors mixed with incarcerated small intestine entrapped in each sac. Each day I feel better however I'm still wearing a brace and feeling the dull aches and pains from the surgery. Each day is better than the last.

Focusing on each day being better than the last is the way that I make it through each day. I distract myself from negativity by doing positive things. From the cuddles with my kids in my bed to the wonderful outings with girlfriends to the beach.... These precious life moments get me through the pain.

Lately I've been hearing Annie singing in my head, The Sun Will Come Out Tommorrow! I haven't returned to my exercise routine yet, of course, but I've started taking 5KM walks with my beloved husband. I'm so thankful that I'm able to walk and enjoy the evening breeze and sun setting as we walk hand in hand around the nearby village of Yishi together.

I must cherish each day... Not knowing what tomorrow will bring is my reality and the truth is - it's everyone's reality. 

Take it all in. Take a deep breath.... The only way to move is forward or not at all. 


  1. You never cease to inspire me. I love you.

    1. Dear Shira, Thank you for your support and love! It means a lot to me!

  2. Ahava Emunah, I went through what you are currently going through nearly 7 years ago and I can guarantee that the sun will come out for you as well, despite the pain. Consider what a flower has to go through in order to show its glory to the world: It begins life as an embryo embedded in a hard seed which has to punch its way through the seed coat to grow, but only finds darkness and dirt when it succeeds in escaping its bounds. Then, it must fight its way up through the dirt to the sun before waiting weeks and weeks before it can bloom and turn its beautiful face to the sun. Keep strong and recognize that there is definitely a light at the end of your tunnel. Use this time to reflect on who you want to be following this challenge. Let other people get the zechut of helping you and your family-sometimes G-d gives us challenges in order to raise the zechuyot of other people. Live each day, as you said, for THAT day and envision the chemo killing each and every cancer cell in your body. Remember that spring only comes after winter. I will keep you in my tefillot. You will get through this and grow stronger and more happy than you have ever been before because you have been given the tremendous opportunity to really see how valuable life is. You will be able to share that knowledge with others and help others who must go through what you are going through. Please know that even when you are feeling your worst (and you know what I mean), those days are temporary and will pass. If you would like to talk or email me, please feel free to contact me at Wishing you a refuah shleimah and continued appreciation for life!

  3. Gd willing. You are right; "cherish each day."