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Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Waiting For the Other Shoe to Drop

Speaking of shoes... I actually have a new pair of hot pink Nikes, which I love! At size 11, you cannot find pink sneakers here, in Israel, so I'm really excited that my brother, Eli, got a pair for me in California! Between my very pink outfits, sneakers, and my chemo quilt, I'm Pink Ahava Emunah! I love my pink....

Sunday and Monday I completed my first session of chemotherapy. On Sunday I had Taxol and on Monday, Carboplatin. I woke up this morning feeling horrible. Like I slept on rocks all night. Like the worst hangover ever. I fully anticipated needing to run for the toilet and vomit my guts out... But that didn't happen. Should I get out of bed? Worst headache ever! Am I ok? Am I sick? What's happening here? At 6:30 am, not knowing what I'm feeling or about to feel, I know I'm supposed to have something to eat before I can take the anti-nausea medication and the steroids and I know I want a shower.

After the shower I feel pretty awesome. Hey, maybe I'm gonna be awesome today? Is this possible? I head downstairs and get caught up in the kids' morning tornado... Breakfast, snacks, lunches, hair.... Okay everything is okay. Wait, now I feel nauseous. Or do I? Yes. I feel pretty bad but I'm so grateful that I don't feel worse and yet scared that I might be feeling a lot worse later or tomorrow or next week....

I definitely don't feel well but I don't know how bad I'm going to feel. I'm anxious. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. But this isn't about shoes.


  1. You are amazing. In this post you captured going from "horrible hangover" to "feeling nauseous" via "pretty awesome", allowing us to imagine your journey, moment by moment.
    We are with you every step of the way. When you are too tired or overwhelmed, we will be your strength. And when you are feeling clear-headed and energetic, we will wear pink in your honour!
    Hugs, Elisheva

  2. didn't the nurse tell you what to expect?
    Way to go Mamma for being able to deal with the morning Tornado.

  3. sometimes its the fear of just NOT KNOWING that is so paralyzingly terrifying! Sending u muchLOVE <3

  4. Surely you have considered cannabis, being in california, you can probably buy it at your local whole foods. my husband suffers from a a long standing chronic GI problem and lately,nausea has been a big problem. the cannabis helps considerably..he smokes it, I advise you to do the same, if you haven't already. smoking seems to be the best and most effective way, and oral drops on shabbos. let us know.