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Wednesday, November 22, 2017

What If? And What Next?





Thanksgiving is tomorrow - in the United States. I was happy and feeling that I had something to look forward to; spending Thanksgiving with my American family, for the first time in over 25 years. Being away from my family in order to receive treatment at UCSanDiego was emotionally very difficult for me and I'm thankful to be back together with my husband and children even though it's not for very happy reasons. 

I'm not receiving cancer treatment now.

I can't be sure if my body held back until I was on home ground or if these things would have happened regardless... like the excruciating pain that got worse and worse until I found myself in emergency surgery again. For a normal person, abdominal surgery is a very big deal. I can't remember being in so much pain in a long time. The incision is about 3 inches and if I had to guess how many stitches... I'd say more than 15. I'm not a fan of painkillers or drugs however sometimes that's the only way to survive.

Days into my recovery, I began to look like I had an advanced pregnancy tummy. My abdomen was filling up with ascites, which is malignant fluid. The pain and pressure was unbearable. I found myself back in the hospital and after draining over 2.7 liters of fluid, I felt much better. Unfortunately that feeling of relief didn't last. Once again I found myself in the ER in terrible pain. Thankfully, it seems that the pain isn't unusual for abdominal surgery and having nearly 3 liters of fluid drained. Everything is a balance between heaven and earth.

Having so much malignant fluid building up is considered bleak for my prognosis. A couple of weeks ago, I had a liver biopsy taken from a new tumor that grew quickly. We're hoping that the genomic sequencing of the tumor will shed insight as to why the immunotherapy wasn't as successful as it appeared it should be. We're hopeful to have results from the DNA and RNA sequencing within a few weeks and possibly new miracles as far a treatment.

I'm thankful for my care and I feel safe in the hands of my oncologist here. I can't help but feel the terror of what if? and what next?

Please continue to pray for miracles....

20 comments:

  1. You and your family are always in my thoughts and prayers xx

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    1. Thank you - your loving support and prayers are very meaningful to me.

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    2. Good Shabbas....May the Almighty who heals all His children give you a speedy and miraculous recovery in body and soul. Sending loving thoughts

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  2. Sad to read this! Prayers always‼️
    Your openness is as beautiful as you‼️❤️❤️

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  3. Joining the many in praying for your continued strength and for a more positive prognosis and bright future for you!!

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  4. love you and love you and thinking of you and praying you will beat this

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  5. Praying for you- no other words would suffice

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  6. You are in our hearts and thoughts. Sending prayer, healing and strength your way.

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  7. Sad to read this and praying for you. Has anybody done a microbiome check on you (some new research suggests it might be important for your kind of treatment)?

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  8. So brave you are . I love you ! Your in my thoughts !! I'm praying and giving Zadaka in your refua! May you stay pain free and strong . <3

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  9. Gd willing.
    Every time I see you've updated the blog, I say, Baruch Hashem!

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  10. Ahava Emunah,as we usher in the new month of Kislev...a month where the odds were defied in a series of miracles...we wish you a refuah sheleimah and pray that you celebrate Chanukah with your family.

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  11. Praying every day Ahava. Our love and positive energies to you and David and your beautiful children.

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  12. Praying for your refuah shelaima, dear Ahava Emunah from Tirza-Tabitha's momma, Eva Yelloz-Huttler

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  13. Praying for you and your steps back from the brinks of badness.

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  14. I remember that advanced pregnancy tummy of yours. Beautiful then, and beautiful now. Sending hugs

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  15. Oy, I pray that you have amusing moments thru it all, that maybe you can laugh at something every few hours or so, and get back to lighting up the world with your special light beyond these treatments, with love and joy even, Sara

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  16. Praying for you, Ahava! Sending love and best vibes to you and your family!

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