All soft mattresses have long been stowed away. The most perilous event is in action.
The arms are below - braced to catch me - in perfect form but nothing is promised. There are no promises in Life and more mysteries are in medicine.
In slow motion with sound siphoned into a motionless vacuum, for this millisecond I'm frozen in time.
I am a woman suspended midair.
Perfectly aligned.
Heartbeat: regular.
Blood pressure: low.
Secured in place with hope, love, and faith.
An invigorated monster calculates my trajectory and prepares for my landing.
A beast in my liver is aggressive and growing with vengeance. The treatments prove to be working lest that beast outruns me to my prepared landing.
That beast is the darkness that remains - the most vicious one I've ever been faced with.
Plan Be.
Radiation.
Immediately!
I look into the arms that I pray will catch me with ease.
I see so much "cancer".
Each with your own pittance or portion.
I know what the answer is: it's not to fight and slay "cancer". Happiness awaits each and every one of us through sickness and health, through crisis and tragedy.
Meaning.
Meaningfulness.
Virtue, kindness, righteousness, generosity and love is the recipe for happiness. The guarantee of true happiness is always protected by fortitude, morality, and excellence.
Stop pursuing happiness - pursue meaning.
Meaningfulness will unavoidably shower you with fulfillment and joy.
This millisecond will continue for as long as it will....
I attempt to stay upright in the sky - in the air - hoping and believing that those arms below will catch me again.
Dear Ahava Emunah,
ReplyDeleteYou are a tremendous source of inspiration.Your words penetrateypenetrate soul and encourage me to live each day to the fullest. I will definitely have you in my prayers over Rosh Hashanah.
Best wishes for a kesiva v'chasima tova,
Surie
Thank you so much Surie! Shana tova!
DeleteGd willing a great miracle.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy what you have...
Amen! Thank you Batya!
DeleteDear Ahava Emunah,
ReplyDeleteYour completely unexpected hug in the Beit Shemesh mall this summer was a gift that I treasure. I'm still not 100% sure whether it really happened and was really meant for me. By sharing your spiritual and emotional journey on your blog these five years you have showed so many people that there is meaning and joy in life despite the pain. May Hashem continue to give you strength to be an inspiration to yourself, your family and all those who care about you, and may all of our tefilot be answered letovah.
Adina Moshavi (Ahuva z"l and Hadassa's sister)