Sunday, June 22, 2014

I Am A Grain Of Sand

I am just a grain of sand,
Insignificant, plain, resting in His hand.
Rough and tiny, salty and meek,
My life, a blessing. My faith, never weak.

Life can flow, as sand, through a sieve.
Try to stop time, there is no reprieve.
I too fell through His giant fingers,
Painful landing, my immense faith still lingers

People ask day in and out, the same question,
Why you? Why me? What's the suggestion?
I have the answer. It's simple and right.
God is good - Love and Faith day and night.

I feel so blessed to know that there are amazing people, around me and out there, who are inspired by my journey. I'm just a grain of sand on God's endless shore. I'm just one of the billions of people here. I'm moved to tears..... I'm humbled and completely shaken to my core when I receive messages of encouragement from people I've never met or seen.

The other day, I was once again back, at Shaare Zedek Medical Center. It was Chemo Day - again. Again, something deep inside me said I wasn't going to be able to receive chemotherapy. Barely making it up the three flights of stairs, completely out of breath, we arrived on the 7th floor of the Oncology Day Ward - The Chemo Lounge. My head was exploding with the most excruciating pain I'd ever felt, since 3:00 am and my tears began to flow, uncontrollably.  My nurse gingerly accessed the port in my chest. She drew the vials of blood. I told her that I wasn't sure I'd be able to get treatment today. She expressed support and encouragement and offered me pain meds for my terrible headache. I went to lie down and I felt a little bit broken. A volunteer came to offer me a Reflexology treatment which, was so soothing in my state of, falling-to-pieces.

A while later, we received the news that my white blood counts were lower than ever. My red blood counts joined the party too and my hemoglobin is now sinking. One of the oncologists noticed that I was writhing in pain while waiting in the corridor. She brought me a red pill, one used against migraines. We discussed options with my oncologist. Concerns. Possible treatments. Blood transfusion? Head CT? More Neupogen shots. It was a very long day.

I received a phone call from my friend, P. She told me about a woman, a friend, who reads my blog. Her name is, Miriam, and she felt inspired, by my writing, to write a song. Some of the words are sad and most of them are touching and uplifting. The song is called, Faith. Knowing that Miriam was inspired to write this song of faith has really touched my heart and soul.





2 comments :

  1. I SEND YOU AS MUCH LOVE AS MY HEART CAN MAKE...THEN I ASK G-D TO FILL ME UP TO SEND U MORE!

    I SEND YOU MY BELIEF TO COUPLE WITH YOURS...THAT WE R TRULY IN G-D'S HANDS!

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  2. I once heard in a shiur that a man's entire lifetime is like a single exhalation for God. I thought of that when I read your poem about being a grain of sand, one of billions of people all around everywhere.

    But you are in Eretz HaKodesh and you have a special something, a spark of loving faith that lights the world. You draw us to your light.

    How beautiful that Miriam wrote that song for you. You see? It's your special something that touches all of us. We all want to love faith as deeply as you.

    I understand why you feel blessed and you are. I feel blessed to know you even this much.
    Refuah Shleima.

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