Thursday, November 1, 2012
Living For the Day
On Sunday, I drove to the beach alone and ran 10K. The shore was immaculate and populated with mostly retired and senior beach goers and foreign tourists enjoying swimming in the warm Mediterranean Sea and soaking up the strong rays of sun. I originally planned to run 5K but the flat terrain was too good to resist and I continued. Part way through the run, I threw off my hat and let the sea breeze caress my bald scalp. There's no greater place than the sea to experience an intimate connection with life! Later in the day, I did Yoga with my new friends, who have/had all experienced ovarian or breast cancer. The Yoga class is a wonderful example of the services offered through Tishkofet - Life's Door.
On Monday, my dear husband took the day off and we spent every minute of it enjoying... from breakfast to grocery shopping and yet another trip to the beach! I convinced David to take me yet again and this time I swam and splashed in the sea and we walked up and down the shore of Hertzlia beach until it was time to go to dinner.
My life has changed in so many ways since July 22, 2012... when I was diagnosed. From the time I had my first child, in October, 2001, until now, I was completely dedicated and consumed with motherhood as life's greatest recreation and full time occupation. Now that I'm a cancer survivor and in treatment, all of my children are in preschool or school for the first time in my motherhood career. Suddenly, I have a new freedom, one I wouldn't have embraced or been ready for in the past. Now, for the week and a half before chemotherapy, when I feel mostly normal and healthy, I am wringing out every drop of fun, activity, and joy that I possibly can in a day. The difference is, with my kids out in the morning it's all about me and doing the things that adult me loves to do. It's exhausting and rejuvenating! So this is what they mean when they say, "live for the day"!
Today, I had a down moment, reading on line about prognosis and survival rates for women with stage IIIC ovarian cancer. I won't reprint the information here... as I will continue to believe, there's only 100% or zero percent in life or death and I plan to stay 100% ALIVE! Just as I was pouring through the macabre statistics, I received a phone call from my oncologist. He called to inform me that there are recent studies that show that weekly chemotherapy treatments with lower doses of Taxol have proven better prognosis and I'm a young woman and we can't afford to take any chances. So, from now on, I'm scheduled to have chemotherapy with Taxol EVERY week and I'll continue getting Carboplatin every three weeks. I'll admit, I'm bummed out knowing I'll need to go in to the hospital every week for chemo... letting go of a full day every week sure is a downside. On the bright side, lets pray it gains me many many more years of living for the day!