Tuesday, August 21, 2012

An OMG moment


There's never a convenient time to have an illness. Usually my kids and I celebrate summer vacation from school. We especially enjoy daily trips to the pool or beach and we often take day trips to the zoo, museum, or other indoor or outdoor parks. Kids in Israel are in school through June. Vacation only begins July 1st and two of my kids went to camp for three weeks. By the time we were really available for full days of summer fun, I discovered I was sick. I feel like my diagnosis and surgery really cheated my 5 children out of the fun summer mama they usually have. Obviously it's not my fault and I have zero control over the situation but mother's guilt certainly isn't bound by logic or sense. Luckily I've been blessed with very loving family and friends who give us a lot of help at home.

For the past 3 and a half weeks, my mom has been coming and going but mostly staying. She took them to the pool and a few of my friends have also taken some of the kids. My two youngest daughters were taken into a backyard summer camp for two weeks which they loved! My two eldest daughters have had some really fun outings with friends and even a couple of sleep-overs. So… really it hasn't been the worst summer ever for them.

I miss the beach. I miss taking the kids and my mom knew it was really eating at me. I had only taken them once this season. So… even though I'm recovering from major abdominal surgery, my mom said she'd agree to take us to the nearest beach as long as I promised not to lift a finger. I wasn't to help pack the lunches and snacks, I wasn't to help load up the car, and I certainly wasn't to help schlep the stuff from the car to the shore. My mom did everything. All I had to do was get dressed and get in the car. Great. What a beautiful day at the beach!!! The weather was perfect; clear skies, not too many people, and the water was glorious. Watching my 5 children on the beach is something special. My kids love the water and show no fear of the crashing waves. A and Z went off in search of crabs and came back with  a tiny baby one. Little H and E were hysterical in the waves. A and M went out in the surf and barely left the water all day. I too enjoyed soaking up the sun and swimming in the waves.

Sometime in the afternoon I began to feel very weak and lightheaded. While trying to focus on the location of each of my kids, I suddenly realized that I was losing control. The ground was slightly fluid under my feet and the shoreline seemed to swirl before my eyes. My mom noticed and told me I should lie down on the beach blanket. I got annoyed. I need to watch my kids! I have everything under control! My eyes fluttered and I felt the sand sinking. OMG. I'm not in control. I'm not even able to take my kids to the beach on my own. OMG. I'm a "Cancer Patient". OMG! I shuffled over to our beach bag and practically collapsed onto the blanket. I covered myself from head to toe in towels and immediately drifted into a deep sleep while my mom continued to supervise my children on the beach. I slept. It hit me like a rip curl. OMG.

3 comments:

  1. It's crazy how we have these moments of realization! U sound like an awesome mommy who is teaching her kids that mommy still loves them and wants to do everything with them but needs some help. Glad u got out, even though it was rough. I have faith that u will not be a cancer patient for long. U will kick cancers ass!

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  2. You have a great mom Erika! I've never met her, but she sounds like mine in a lot of ways! It's obvious where you learned to be such a great mom yourself :-)
    Make sure you continue to let yourself be mothered while you get through this difficult time. {hugs}

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  3. So sorry to see you had a bad time Erika, TG almighty for your WONDERFUL Mom, if she weren't Jewish she would qualify as a SAINT!
    I pray that G-d WILL help you and that he will also continue to give your Mom the strength she needs to cope.
    Maybe you just got a little overwhelmed and NEEDED to rest. I so hope you're feeling easier today.
    We ALL send you love and strength
    Lotsa love
    Shirley Michael and family (Perth)

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