Time will fly whether it's fun or not

"Sweet dreams, pleasant dreams, I love you, good night... I'm just going to close my eyes," I used to call out to my parents every single evening after they tucked me into bed for the night. I was very young when I started saying it - maybe 4 or 5. I was scared that something "big" would happen and they wouldn't want to wake me... so I pretended I wasn't going to sleep... just closing my eyes. The older you get, the quicker time flies. When I was little, my age in the single digits, each year was a lifetime. When a month was an entire "stage" of development, a birthday was always in Forever as was Chanukah and summer vacation. Despite the countless warnings from weathered adults who claimed, "Before you know it...", I quickly devoured 10 years at a time and grew up. Adult is a concept that I still struggle with.

In September and October, only mere months ago, I couldn't skip forward to the image of Future Me, here, now, in the "after". The passage of time should be the photo next to the definition of, cliche. Time flies. I'm excited to have arrived at THIS moment. I can muse again! It's a luxury to daydream and reflect without the cloud of chemotherapy hovering. Going through weekly treatments, you can easily forget what "normal" feels like and when it starts to come back it's exhilarating. My magic is coming back. I want to go go go and never stop. I want to black out the cancer part and just run with everything I've learned on this journey and never look back. Once you have cancer in your life it doesn't pack up and go away. It stays. So, I've learned. There's a chance that I'll never have to treat cancer ever again yet I'll need to think about it all the time. Being a survivor means keeping a constant surveillance and staying on guard, keeping your dukes up and ready. I will not live my life in fear AT ALL... but it's always there. Once cancer comes in, it's there for good and you don't get to turn your back on it. Ever. That's why they say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. That's how you win on your own terms.

Don't fear what the future might bring and risk wasting the Now. You know how many people have tried to lend me support with, "You never know... you could step of the curb and get hit by a bus...."??? Hmm. Despite being trite and completely the wrong thing to say to a person going through a life-threatening illness... it's pretty accurate! Nobody knows how long they have in this Life. That's the whole truth. Stop wasting time and get on with it! That's my pearl of wisdom at this fine moment. Live, love, learn, and be happy. It's all good... EVEN the bad so don't waste it because someday, in the not so distant future, it has to end. That's not sad... it just is.