Six years.
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| July, 2012 |
July 22, 2012 I found out that I have cancer.
I knew something wasn’t right. For some time I’d been feeling sluggish, bloated, tired, and simply “not me”. I kept going back to my doctors; anyone who would listen to me for any type of support. I pushed hard because I felt that something was wrong yet none of my doctors were alarmed and my basic blood counts were all normal aside from the vitamin D deficiency. I was deflated and felt alone and misunderstood.
As a busy mother of 5 young children, including a breastfeeding tot, I had run out of choices other than to accept that perhaps there wasn’t “anything wrong with me”. I resigned myself to being a 36 year old wife and mother who was no longer fit and energetic - even though I’d always been the example of good health in body, mind, and spirit. In 2012, I felt haggard and run down. I was no longer the energetically inspired mommy that I’d always strived to be.
I was depressed.
I felt like a failure.
I was misunderstood.
My family doctors let me down.
The irregular spotting that I experienced a few days earlier was a sign. I immediately made an emergency appointment with an obstetrician gynecologist and went on to wait impatiently through a day and a Shabbat to arrive at that terrible day....
July 22nd, 2012 arrived and I eventually arrived at the emergency room after visiting the ob/gyn.
Ultrasound was a disaster.
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CT scans confirmed that the disaster was cancerous.
July 26th, 2012: I underwent major surgery to remove an aggressive and cancerous tumor - the size of an average newborn baby - from my abdomen and life has never been the same.
I had surgery on a Thursday.
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| July 26th, 2012 - post surgery |
I remained in the hospital over Shabbat.
Then it was the saddest day on the Jewish calendar: Tisha B’Av - The 9th day of Av.
This evening, as the sun set, the 9th of Av began. It’s actually the 10th of Av because when 9 B’Av lands on the Sabbath, it’s not observed until the following day.
The saddest day of the year reflects the destruction of both Temples - may they be speedily rebuilt in our time! May Mashiach arrive.... now! Please G-d!
The saddest day of the year reflects the destruction of both Temples - may they be speedily rebuilt in our time! May Mashiach arrive.... now! Please G-d!
Six years.
Six years of blessings - I am alive!
Six years that the L-rd continues to bless me with miracles!
I pray to continue to be blessed with such miraculous blessings everyday.
Thank You G-d for all You provide!
Thank You L-rd, All Mighty, for your love and for saving me from death so many times.
I am sometimes sad for the moments that I’ve missed yet I remind myself how very blessed and lucky I am that G-d blesses me with another day on this earth.
Another day to breathe.
Another day to celebrate motherhood.
Another day of life.
Thank You God!
And we are very blessed that you share your life with us. And give us yet another reason to demand, "MOSHIACH NOW!"
ReplyDeleteAmen ๐๐ฝMalka! We want Mashiach now and we want to rebuild the Temple speedily in our days!
DeleteSometimes, one can barely breathe when trying to conceive the amount of pain and ืฆืขืจ your illness brings you, your children and husband, family, and the many people who now follow you. How you stay positive defies logic...though it has become part of your journey as well...My grandfather was an incredibly accomplished cantor, immensely popular jewish educator, and shul/community leader when he was diagnosed with ALS. However, if you ask people the greatest lessons they learned from him, they will tell you it was seeing him in his illness. He used 'mind over matter' to live 14 years with an illness that 'never' passes a 2-5 year 'expectancy,' taught himself Spanish when he knew he had already forever lost his ability to speak, and, in his illness and the strength of character and spirit it formed, became almost angelic here on earth. He taught me everything I have ever needed to know about living-- all while technically I was watching him dying. But he wasnt dying. He was living life attuned at a higher level, with the deep soul-to-soul emotion we all SHOULD have, but often, don't. And while those years might have been less in length, they provided so much in their depth, that their lessons have carried me through every possible stage and scenario in life. That is what you are doing for people, Ahava: showing us what it means to be living life with deeper colors, clarity, and appreciation for the preciousness of each moment. I wish every second you could have remained anonymous and physically healthy, and dont wish this unimaginable ืฆืขืจ and bitter pain on anyone. But I also see these pictures and see 'Ahava, before she fully knew the incredible, fierce soul she would become... that would impact us all.'
ReplyDeleteTHANK YOU ๐๐ฝ for sharing your beautiful and powerful story about your grandfather... may his neshama have an Aaliyah.
DeleteBless you!
Refuah shleimah
ReplyDeleteGd willing
Amen ๐๐ฝBatya
DeleteThank you!
I know your husband, slightly, through the pro-Israel journalist/blogger world, so I've been following from afar, and praying for your refuah shleimah, for several years. I found the link to this blog through Kay Wilson's FB page, so I thought I'd let you hear from someone you don't know but who is wishing and praying for the best for you and your loving family.
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to fathom Hashem's ways and the why's we are not allowed to question - but one thing I am certain of - is that you are a blessing to so many people and your courage and perseverance is incredible and may the MOSHIAH COME NOW and may you have the refuah shelema that so many of us have davened for
ReplyDeleteHi Ahava Emunah,
ReplyDeleteHere is hoping for continued improvement in your health.
Rosh Chodesh tov, Chanuka Sameach and Shavua tov.
Ann & Ira & family