Mama Bla Blah

Vitamin Levels Checked? Check!

2011-12-12T03:50:00.000-08:00

Have you had your vitamin D levels checked recently? How about B12? Iron? Are you feeling tired and fuzzy headed? Well, of course I am, I'm a full time mother of five! Well, consider this your own personal wake up call... because vitamin deficiency really can be blamed for a lot if you suffer from it. Apparently it's not uncommon either.

I went to see a dermatologist for a completely unrelated issue and the very thorough doctor made a subtle observation and ordered the blood work. Good thing she did because my vitamin levels were scary-low. So now I'm taking massive doses of Vit D, Vit B12, and iron. It's too soon to feel any difference but it will be interesting to note any differences over time.

Get your vitamin levels checked - you'll be glad you did.

Thyroid FNA Bruise is Ugly

2011-12-06T23:30:00.001-08:00

Day #3 after the FNA.
Yikes, it looks like a really weirdly shaped love bite... either that or someone tried to strangle me!

Last night I wore a scarf to parent teacher night for obvious reasons, I didn't want my daughters' teachers to think of either option. It might be a good idea to borrow a turtleneck or something for the next few days.

Poked Again

2011-12-06T06:13:00.001-08:00

On Sunday I got poked again... FNA on my thyroid. The doctor didn't want to touch the whatever-is-is in my parotid because it's touching a major artery and the risk of bleeding is too high. Two weeks until the results. Tik. Tok.

The statistics about thyroid growths/nodules/tumors are pretty good. Most are "nothing" and even the cancerous lesions are highly treatable. I read something online about something like 50% of people dying of natural causes had some form of micro thyroid cancer. Makes you wonder if it's worth removing it if it's unlikely to ever cause harm? Living without a thyroid makes you dependent on medication for the rest of your life... but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Almost Winter Catch Up

2011-11-19T23:05:00.001-08:00

For the first time in years, it actually feels like winter in the Holyland and it's not even officially the season yet! That's good news for our sinking Lake Kinneret and possibly our water bills? We've had non-stop downpour for 48 hours. I love the rain. We don't get too much of it here so it's a blessing and a welcome change in scenery.

It's not yet Chanukkah holiday time and the kids are seemingly settled into their school routines. A is in 5th grade, M is in 3rd, Z is in kindergarten, and H is in pre-school. All looking good. We had a major glitch in Z's kindergarten with a new teacher. To cut a long story short... she was inexperienced and atrocious. She was fired and a new teacher has finally arrived. Here's to hoping..... Of course little E is still at home with me. She'll be 2 in January. Soooo not a baby anymore but that's a whole post in itself.

In the meantime, I'm wallowing a bit in my health worries. The lump behind my ear seems to be nothing more than an enlarged lymph node which prompted my surgeon and ENT to order further tests. During an ultrasound of my neck two suspicious growths were found. One in my thyroid and one in my parotid gland. The doctors were more concerned due to the fact that the growth has happened so quickly. My last ultrasound was about 9 months ago so we can see the growth pattern. I'm having FNAs done on both in about 3 weeks. We'll only know what the next step is when we know WHAT it is.....

It's baaaaaaaack... (hopefully not)

2011-10-25T10:22:00.000-07:00

Nearly 9 months post-op removal of benign parotid tumor. During a conversation, with my mom, about how it's been almost 9 "whole" months since my whole ordeal with the parotid tumor, the surgery, and the day hospital adventure I went to feel my scar from the incision and there it was. A hard round lump. It could be this, that, or whatever but I won't know anything until it's examined and tested.

Our local ENT ordered a FNA (fine needle aspiration) biopsy which is scheduled for next week. I'll also be consulting with my surgeon and getting an ultrasound.

In the photo, you can see the lump peeking out directly behind my tell tale partotidectomy and partial neck dissection surgery souvenir - it extends down from the front of my ear down my neck.

Summer Fun

2011-07-23T22:29:00.000-07:00

It's hot hot hot summertime! What does a mama with 5 kids do in the oppressive Mid.Eastern heat?

Well... we go to the beach of course...

A, M & Z at the beach

and do lots of art projects...

E coloring

Hot wax art

and eat junk food....

H eating

and visit the zoo....

Z and a penguin

Bringing New Meaning to Scary Parenting

2011-03-09T03:32:00.000-08:00

I was blessed with a pretty cool gift. Usually I'm in Dream Land within minutes after my head hits the pillow. My DH can attest to the fact that I fall asleep most evenings while we try to watch an episode of this show or that on DVD. Sadly, I haven't slept well at all this week. I'm deeply troubled and traumatized by the situation in our 3 year old daughter's pre-school. This is our 3rd year with the pre-school as our son was there for 2 years and 3 year old daughter has been there until now. It has been a rough year dealing with a difficult population of parents. There have been many incidences of parents verbally attacking our teachers - the latest incident occurred on Sunday when a grandmother entered the school and called our teachers, "Nazis" and told our helper to "drop dead", then she attacked one of the children and screamed in her ear. The teachers were both left in shambles, sobbing, and even saying that they can't take it anymore. I'm horrified to admit that my daughter has seen and heard behavior that is very damaging to a young child. I've taken the time to come and observe both inside and outside of the pre-school. There are 4 children who exhibit consistent disturbed behavior and violent outbursts. Though I am worried, I have been constantly assured that everything is under control and the violent children are receiving the help that they need.

While I respect the teachers, some of the parents are scary and possibly dangerous. I believe that a number of them must be physically and verbally abusing their children at home because their behavior reflects it and I'm scared of them! As I was preparing to leave the premises yesterday morning, one of the problematic mothers, who, in the past I have witnessed screaming at our teachers, accosted me and began shouting at me and accusing me because she wrongly thought I was "against" the mother who has been abusing our teacher all year. Two other mothers joined in and began yelling at me. I was shocked by the language they used so freely next to young children and equally appalled by their lack of reason and respect. After mulling it over, it's obvious that I can't leave my daughter in a place where such abuse occurs daily. These feelings arose even before I found out that one of the parents has threatened a teacher with a gun, and a different father (who is in prison) threatened a teacher. We need an armed guard to protect the school from crazy parents. As long as the problematic parents have access to my child, I am worried for our safety.

I'm one of many parents. I'm the 4th in line to pull our child out... and I'm guessing more will follow. It's very sad. The teacher called me and told me that I'm wrong for letting the "bad parents" win. She said, "We need children from good homes to make the pre-school better." Why should I leave my child in a school that the teacher doesn't want to be? Sorry, I can't stick around to make your jungle a better place....

Worth the Wait

2011-02-20T05:09:00.000-08:00

I'm happy and I feel like flying...

The pathology reports are in...

The tumor was benign!!!

The tumor was a benign form of parotid tumor called, Myoepithelioma.

Thank You G'd! Thank you for saying YES to my prayers!

Feed Me Seymour!

2011-02-20T00:08:00.000-08:00

Happy Sunday! Today marks 2 weeks since my surgery. It's weird how time works. I'm glad to be home and getting back into the groove of life. I'm still riding the emotional post-op. wave and thankfully (or not) the mundane is still special. For 2 weeks, I didn't do a whole lot. Today, I woke up before 6 AM. I did everything I used to do like getting the kids ready for pre-school, kindergarten, and school - packing snacks, waiting for Z's minibus to pick him up, driving H to pre-school, and A & M to school. Those were tasks that I just did without much thought until now. Now it feels like something more. Will it last?

Now that the bandages are off for good and I've been able to wash my surgery site properly it looks okay - not too grisly. The previous post photo was snapped today. I imagine I'll always have a trace of scar as a symbol of the surgery; a battle scar. I earned it after all I went through. A considerable section of the right side of my face is wooden. I have zero sensation there. It feels like I went to a psycho-dentist and had novocaine injected in my ear, cheek and neck. Feed me Seymour!

Audrey II: Feed me!
Seymour: Does it have to be human?
Audrey II: Feed me!
Seymour: Does it have to be mine?
Audrey II: Feeeed me!
Seymour: Where am I supposed to get it?
Audrey II: [singing] Feed me, Seymour / Feed me all night long - That's right, boy! - You can do it! Feed me, Seymour / Feed me all night long / Ha ha ha ha ha! / Cause if you feed me, Seymour / I can grow up big and strong.

Looking Better 14th Day Post Op. Parotidectomy

2011-02-19T22:17:00.000-08:00

The incision has healed pretty well except for one small spot parallel to the drain site. The puncture-like hole on my neck is where the drain was. Hopefully the scar will continue to fade.

Pour Me Some Whine

2011-02-17T00:57:00.000-08:00

People who complain all the time are a pain in the tuchus. Who wants to listen to those cranky gripers? You try to show them the positive things in life and then they just shoot you down with their relentless whining.

Pain is an ugly monster. It's something that can debilitate you and absorb your continuous place of resort. I'm a very positive person and I'm having a hard time battling the ugly monster right now.

My face - well *only* half of it - is numb but every time I eat I feel whatever is left of my parotid gland firing up. It hurts so badly that I don't want to eat anymore. Hard knocks. Boo hoo. A real drag.

I hate to be a pain in the tuchus.... pour me a tall glass of ~~wine~~... whine.

Everyday is an Update

2011-02-15T00:48:00.000-08:00

My DH, Little "E", and I spent the AM hours of yesterday back at the hospital. I had an appointment with my surgeon and I wanted to take the opportunity to show some thanks too. We brought my surgeon the best bottle of red wine we could find and a big box of chocolates for the staff of the ENT ward. It felt good to show thanks even though it's ridiculously small compared to what I feel in my heart for each and every person who has taken such good care of me!

Some steps leading up to my surgery were frustrating so when people came out of various places in my life and lead the way it felt like Moses splitting the sea clearing the path for me! These people are my angels. An angel I'll call, "C", got me into CT in a flash out of the goodness of her heart and on her day off after a night shift. Another angel I'll call, "Z Doc", got me in to meet my surgeon like greased lightning even though the secretary insisted I'd have to wait an entire month.... My bro, "L", got me an MRI appointment in less than 24 hours though the wait list goes back for months.... This list goes on!

In the week or two before my surgery, I ended up running around a lot. Indeed, I do other jobs besides "being a mama". One of my jobs is laundry (surprise surprise). I neglected that one for at least 4-5 loads in the spinner and unfortunately for me, when the time finally came for me to clean up (3 days before surgery) I discovered that my washing machine had committed suicide never to spin again. Knowing I'm about to be sidelined for the next 2-3 weeks AND already having 1/2 of our clothing in the dirty laundry was enough to send me into a high speed spin-cycle! Friends and neighbors to the rescue! My friend, "L", did 3 loads including folding! The other loads were divided amongst caring neighbors. I'm happy to say we have new washer & dryer on order... hopefully arriving ASAP!

My friends, "E.G." and "L.B." prepared Sabbath meals for us with love including other sweets and treats from 4 other friends! We've been lavished with a torrent of delicious home-cooked meals every evening from our amazing community.

Yesterday, at my post-op visit , my surgeon said everything is healing nicely. The Pathology results weren't in yet. He removed the stitches and replaced the bandage. He said not to remove it for 5-6 days. He was so patient & listened to all of my questions and answered each one with care and detail. He was very gentle removing the stitches too. I don't have a lot of pain because the area is so numb from cutaneous nerve damage and maybe some feeling will come back. The worst pain is from eating because it causes whatever is left of the parotid gland to kick in and salivation hurts on the right side for now. I also have some weakness so chewing goes very slowly. I have lost most of the "post baby-weight" I've been meaning to knock off which I'm definitely not complaining about!

As far as the 3 mm tumor on the left side, the surgeon wants to wait and see what the pathology is on the right side. He said 3 mm is too small to do a FNA on. Maybe he'll request an ultrasound. I'm going back to the surgeon in 2 weeks: 28th Feb & hopefully I'll have all of the results by then...

What day is it again???

2011-02-13T03:23:00.000-08:00

This has been a busy week! What day is it again???

Just to bring you up to speed... Last Sunday I had surgery, came home on Wednesday, Thursday my 5-yr-old son was "diagnosed" with ADHD, Friday was my nephew's Brit Milah, Saturday was the blessed Sabbath-day-of-rest, and today is.... what day is it again???

I'm glad to report that my tonsil pain cleared up with antibiotics. I'm experiencing a watery right eye and a general feeling that my right eye is out of sync with my left eye. Completely numb from mid-ear down the side of my face & under my chin. The up-side is that due to the numbness (nerve damage) I'm unable to feel any pain in the incision. I'm thankful for that at the moment but I'm still hoping I'm not going to shlepp a "dead" feeling in half of my face for the rest of my (hopefully VERY LONG) life.

Tomorrow AM I have an appointment with my surgeon to receive the final pathology report (hopefully) & have the stitches removed. I will also ask questions about everything I'm experiencing including what our *plan* should be regarding the 3 mm tumor on the left side.

I feel like I've been flying high... floating on air. No, I'm not taking those *fun* pain-killers. I'm wrapped up in so much love and kindness from every direction... I'm actually so grateful and thankful that I just can't really explain what it feels like. I know that I have a huge challenge ahead of me... with my son. I want to raise my boy, "Z", to be happy, self confident, and secure. I want to help him gain the tools he needs to succeed in life like maintaining "sustained mental effort", time management, organizing himself and feel good about himself in the world.

...and in other news, my 12-month-old *might* have swallowed one of those tiny button-sized batteries found in those annoying Made-in-China toy-cellphones... She was playing so quietly in the living room when I noticed she'd pried the cover off of the phone and I was only able to find 2 out of 3 batteries! Our friend the ER-dr. said we should get an X-ray to make sure it's not lodged in her esophagus... and in the meantime, I'll hope it "passes through" without incident.

Wish me luck... on my list of stuff!

UPDATE 1 trip to the emergency room + 1 X-ray = 0 batteries found in baby = pure relief!

Wordless Saturday Nite...

2011-02-12T08:26:00.000-08:00

Some Bloggers have Wordless Wednesday where they share pictures that are so enchanting or poignant that they defy a need for an actual wordy blog post... it's not Wednesday & I'm positively wordless (just about).

6th day post Parotidectomy & partial neck dissection - I decided to pull off the sterile strips and see what my *new* ear-neck look like....

Awoken from Monotony

2011-02-07T21:01:00.000-08:00

I'm writing from my hospital bed in Shaarei Zedek Hospital in Jerusalem, Israel. I'm on my 3rd day post-op and just really looking forward to going home. Everyone has been so nice and caring to me from my family and friends whose love and support I couldn't live without to the surgeons, nurses and hospital staff who are so skilled, gentle, and patient.

One of the puzzling things in life is how a crisis wakes you up from your monotony. Of course there are so many levels of crisis - fatal and life-threatening and the more mundane like might-be cancer or it's-a-tumor-but-it's most-likely-benign (so just be mildly worried until you get the pathology results in two weeks...) variety. In my case, I went from being in complete control of my busy household and life to sitting in a hospital bed with a drain hanging out of my swollen neck and really completely depending on my devoted mom and DH to take care of my kids and house and my friends and family to help with errands, meals, laundry.... And when compared with the more scary or life-threatening crisis types, my 3-4 night hospital stay is really not so tragic.

All of the reactions have happened for me... the emotions of losing physical contact with my young children, having constant outpouring of love and presence from my parents, husband, and brothers. Amazement by the actions of friends, family, and community who have called, sent loving messages, made my family meals, and come to visit - I'm so thankful to have this surgery behind me. I'm so uplifted and inspired by so much kindness....

The surgery was a success. My surgeon removed most of my parotid gland without damaging function of my facial nerve. The right side of my face from my ear and jaw down to the underside of my chin is completely numb. The surgeon said I may not regain any feeling there which is really disappointing but I guess I knew the risk was there. The upside is it's less of a problem for me, as a woman, as I don't need to shave... if that's any consolation? Several suspicious lymph nodes were removed during surgery and frozen sections were performed while I was still on the operating table and I'm very happy to say they were cancer-free! We still have to wait 2 weeks for the pathology reports on the tumor itself and I'm pretty confident that it will be good news...

I was told yesterday that I'd be in the hospital until tomorrow but I might be having the drain removed today and get to go home!!!! I'm hoping for that!

Would You Be A Dear and NOT Send Your Sick Child to School?!

2011-01-24T00:16:00.000-08:00

Oiy, the responsibilities of being a parent! What do children need? What DON'T they need? It's true that children need a lot. As a mom, I know that children of all ages need a lot of attention. Babies need almost constant feeding, holding, cuddling, and loving. As they get older, they need feeding, hugging, playing, talking, and LOTS of question-answering. My oldest is 9 so I can only share my experiences up to that age and 9 year olds have a lot of questions... and homework. My 5 little ones keep me busy and I am a full-time stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I never intended to be a working mom. It made it even easier for me the fact that I grew up with a SAHM and a working dad who was supportive of my dedicated SAHM. No one places a monetary value on the work a SAHM does but I believe there is nothing more important than raising and training and nurturing the next generation. That's me - my choice.

Children are precious. Human life is sacred. Health is supreme, number one, top of the list... What parent wouldn't do EVERYTHING to save their child's life? Protect their child from life threatening dangers? Illness??? So why 'o why do parents drive their children around unrestrained and not buckled into safety seats? Why do they leave their children unattended in cars while they drop off a child or go grocery shopping?!!! And the biggie that really has me on a rant is WHY DO THEY SEND THEIR SICK CHILDREN TO SCHOOL??!!!

My 3 year old daughter, H., has been sick more days than well in the past month. I have had to keep her home 4 times over periods of 3-6 days to get well enough to return to her pre-school only to be struck down again with the flu or some other virus. I see feverish, coughing, spluttering, ill kids being dropped off every day at H.'s pre-school and it drives me insane. I spoke with the teachers and they say "what can we do?" SAY WHAT???? "The parents need to go to work, they can't afford to stay home everyday..." EXCUSE ME?!!!! The main teacher complained that she has called parents repeatedly to collect a sick and feverish child from pre-school and the parents refuse. WHAT? Am I crazy or is that unacceptable? A few mothers have actually said to me, "Not everyone has the luxury of not working and staying home whenever their kid is sick...". Is that some kind of insult? I promise you, if I become a working-mom and my child is sick, my child takes priority - not my job. You couldn't put a price on that.

The main reason that being a SAHM is not a "popular choice" is because people need the money. For some, it's not possible to do without the 2nd salary. I'll confide that we live according to our means. We don't suffer for anything. True, I don't buy myself lots of new clothes or shoes or jewelery, fancy vacations, etc.. It's not important to me. That's a choice my husband and I made. Having said all that, I do not have double standards. A child is a mini-adult. Would an adult subject themselves to a day at work if they were feeling ill? When a child is sick, they need rest and care not to mention the dangers of spreading the illness to other children... and so we arrive at the reason why I have kept my 3 year old daughter home from pre-school for more than a week. I was finally able to get her her first dose of Flu-mist and plan to get the 2nd dose before I'll even consider sending her back into the germ-fest that is her pre-school.

It's hard for some to understand or accept that motherhood is fulfilling in itself and easy to think a mother who doesn't have a career is bored or boring or useless to society. I think that being with my baby and children is both enjoyable and rewarding in a way that even the most prestigious career could never be. The fact is NO ONE can or will care for my kids as I do. Watch out for this mama because I will do EVERYTHING to protect my children. Don't get in my way.

Not Quite the Diagnosis I Was Hoping For

2011-01-23T08:53:00.000-08:00

It's been two weeks since the fine needle biopsy. I've been waiting for that call and it came today. I was completely unprepared for a drive into Jerusalem... sans GPS, on my own with two tots. (My 3 year old daughter has been home for over a week - a story I might share in a separate post). I went into Google Maps and printed out directions which I apparently did not follow very well because it took me 90 minutes to drive a 41 minute journey - story of my life. Thanks to 2 Arab taxi drivers and an apparently German lady tourist and her handy map I made it in the end. The German lady tourist was amazing! She told the angry drivers where they could go while my car idled alongside hers and she looked up the hospital in her Carta map! She was my hero today.

The place I needed to go within the hospital is a clinic that primarily operates as a mammography center. Lots of women and their stressed out husbands. I anticipated a quick wait and then very easy news/results from the Doctor.

What I didn't expect was the ceremonial wait in the private room and the somber look on the doctor's face as he proceeded to imply that I have a non-benign tumor. The diagnosis: Myoepithelioma or Myoepithelial Carcinoma. I saw the words, "carcinoma" on the paper with my name on it. I let him speak. I didn't interrupt. When he was done I started asking. Basically I left in tears understanding FROM THE DOCTOR that I need surgery ASAP to remove the parotid gland and I may or may not need chemotherapy or whatever other treatments are out there. I left the clinic thinking I had crossed over that red line - a CANCER patient.

Yes, I cried the whole way home.

One swift Googling, as soon as I got home, made it pretty clear that the "diagnosis" was more like an inconclusive tushy-covering. No doctor wants to be sued (except maybe my family doctor). Myoepithelioma is most often benign. It's a mixed-cell tumor. From what I understand, Myoepithelioma and Myoepithelial Carcinoma are very rare. What are the chances, right?

My parents spent the rest of the day researching every possibility with their doctor friends who are ENT surgeon and breast cancer surgery specialist and pathologist etc.. The next step is to go back to my ENT and see what she recommends. I'll probably need a head CT before surgery and I'll need to find an excellent neck surgeon.

*sigh*

It's a lot to take in. I have no choice but to sit tight and wait for each step and take it as it comes. I'm still a mama... and that doesn't change just because I'm worried I could fall into that 20% of rare parotid tumor cases that are actually cancer....

I have to wait and see.

Ouch! My Sternocleidomastoid Hurts! (most likely...)

2011-01-09T03:35:00.000-08:00

Sternocleidomastoid is not a curse-word in some foreign language. As a licensed physical therapist, I promise you it is a real body part... a muscle in your neck. Mine is in spasm.

Today was the day for my parotid tumor biopsy. While we were off to a great start this morning with the kids all getting ready and out-the-door on time, DH and I had a grueling ride made twice as long due to GPS fail... actually it was "me" fail. I foolishly entered the name of the hospital rather than the address... and this took us to the center of the Old City. I'm not joking. If you have ever driven a minivan through the streets of the Old City, Jerusalem you would surely NOT be laughing right now. We stopped to ask a cop what to do... he had no clue. I called the hospital and (this part you can laugh at...) the secretary said, "Don't you know how to use a GPS? You enter the address..." - and she gave me the address.... and promised me I would be just on time... even though I was clearly going to arrive 20 minutes later than planned.

By the grace of GPS my DH got us to the hospital only 5 minutes later than my appointment. I won't go into too many details. I hate being held down and told not to move - that freaks me out more than the anticipation of pain. The senior doctor obviously knew what he was doing and was also educating a younger doctor how to perform a biopsy. With my head and neck immobilized and being held down via the ultrasound head, the doctor injected lidocaine and then exclaimed, "Oh damn! I just made a mistake!" WHAT??! and I whimpered and he said, "No, not on you, the computer."

Anyways. It's not a fun procedure but it wasn't painful. The pressure and noises the equipment made inside my neck was just... well, that part was really gross and made me squirm. The doctor had a difficult time getting the bleeding to stop too and I wonder if that wasn't caused by taking 800 mg. of ibuprofen for a throbbing headache I woke up with. Oops.

I asked the doctor what he thought. He said it looks like a tumor. In his opinion it's most likely a pleomorphic adenoma which is most likely benign and will most likely need to be surgically removed. I most likely hope that the doctor most likely knows what he's talking about. He also informed me that the area will most likely be sore and tender for the next few days and I shouldn't "make mischief".... Huh?

DH, Baby E., and I headed out for coffee and a treat straight afterward. DH had hot apple strudel with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top and I had cheese cake that was almost worth it and most likely made the whole ordeal less horrible. As the lidocaine wore off I began to feel the muscle spasm. You can actually see the ropey sternocleidomastoid standing out of my neck. I'm sure it's most likely just a protective muscle spasm and I hope it goes away quickly. I am left with a gloom and doom kinda feeling about people who really are sick and have to endure far worse... they deserve our prayers.

I'll have results from the biopsy within 10-21 days which, I need to pick up in person. Coffee date anyone?

Wish me luck.

Lump in My Throat

2010-12-30T22:05:00.000-08:00

I consider myself a very emotional person... not that you'll know it by looking at me. I won't cry on your shoulder, don't worry. I was raised to tune in to other people's feelings and emotions. It can be draining and it can be great too because I am able to help people through some tough times. It's a great thing to be able to feel people out. A huge downside is knowing other people's suffering and not being able to do anything about it to really ease their pain. The other down-down side is being able to tell when people think I'm an idiot...

I know what a lump in the throat feels like... when you feel someone's pain. You're not going to cry but if you were alone and no one was there to catch you with huge tears streaming down your face you'd be bawling.... Sometime in October, something made me put my hand up behind my ear in that nook that meets the neck - right by my throat. It was a hard, tender lump. I had to keep feeling it to check if it was really there. I compared it to the other side. It was definitely there.

My family doctor basically smirked at me when I came into his office with my obviously worried face on. He told me it was probably a swollen lymph node. "You've been sick lately, haven't you?" He asked rhetorically, "a sore throat, fever?"

"No." I replied, "I'm worried it could be something bad...."

My doctor looked me in the eyes and said, "What are you worried about? You think you have Cancer?" Pause. Well, isn't that what 99% of people worry about when they feel a lump growing in what should be a lump-free zone? "Well, you can stop worrying. If it doesn't go away in two weeks or if it gets any bigger come back and I'll order a blood test."

So I left his office and waited two weeks. Based on the fact that I'm still talking about this now, 3 months later, you can guess where my story is going. No the lump didn't go away. It got bigger. When I went back to see my doctor again he wasn't at all concerned. He made me feel like I was an alarmist fool wasting his time when he could be treating the world's real sick people. He told me to stop worrying about nothing. This time, his smirk and condescending reassurances left me ticked. I ignored his "advice" and booked an appointment with the Ear Nose and Throat doctor (ENT).

The ENT took my case seriously and sent me for an ultrasound which confirmed that I have a significant tumor growing in my right parotid and a smaller tumor in my left. Next week I'm having a needle biopsy to find out what my deal is.

I know how to Google so yes, I know that 80% of parotid tumors are benign though most need to be surgically removed. I also know that the blood test offered by my doctor would not have provided any insight. I have read every possible medical text available about parotid tumors and swollen lymph nodes. I could possibly diagnose you if you'd let me. So my question to my doctor is, did they not teach you the basics on how to examine a patient presenting with a lump in their neck???? When I get the results of my biopsy... whatever they might be, I plan to present them to my doctor along with a lesson in Googling. I think Google will make him a better doctor than he is today... well unless it's Cancer - and then I'll have to decide whether or not I should sue his arrogant a$$....

A Hermit in Hibernation Ventures Out

2010-12-30T02:07:00.000-08:00

It's funny how the world has changed... you can almost live a completely normal life without Human interaction. You can pay your bills and order groceries on-line. You can stay home almost 24-7 and still have full communication via Skype with people all over the world. My own personal life is rich with second-to-second updates about the lives of people I feel close to by virtue of our Facebook friendship, blogs, Twitter, and the like. Typing from my new MacBook Pro in my fully wireless house, I feel fully connected to the outside world. It only took a brief step out into the real reality to make me realize what a sheltered hermit I've become.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I celebrated 10 years of marriage. In November, my brother, M., e-mailed me a very cool birthday gift - dinner for two - at a fancy steak place on the top of the Azrieli mall in Tel Aviv. DH and I decided to have a dinner out... he works a short drive from there so I took the train. Leaving was daunting. With my mom as the babysitter, I was able to take a deep breath and make a run for it, skipping out with all 5 kids still awake. My nerves got me to the train station about 20 minutes too early and I had plenty of time to sit and observe the other passengers boarding... each with their Smartphones and wired devices... each speaking loudly to various people in cyberspace and texting and listening to music, and watching movies. During the 50 minute ride I heard the Seinfeld theme and at least 10 different cellphone ringtones. I overheard a conversation about a runnaway soldier and an anorexic aunt with Cancer. I heard a woman curse and tell off some poor soul for butting into her business.... I only wished I'd had the foresight to bring my ipod on board to block out the bombardment of conversations and noise in the train compartment. After 20 minutes I got up and moved to the front train car.... up where the engines apparently are because it was so loud I could barely hear my own phone ring when my DH called to let me know he was on his way. The compartment was empty except for an armed guard and a large family. 5 or 6 young children chirped and chattered and even fussed and cried - it was familiar noise and it made me smile.

When I arrived at the station in the mall I felt like I'd arrived at a different country. Suddenly I felt like an alien! Adults and teens bustled about. People shopping. People talking on their mobile devices. What are all these hundreds of people doing out on a Tuesday night? While waiting for the elevator, a woman cradling a crying newborn and pushing an empty baby carriage looked around frantically... she asked me if I knew of a quiet place where she could sit and feed her baby. Certainly not in the train station. Not in the mall and not in the elevator. How about home? I saw an empty bench through the glass walls of the elevator on the other side of the mall and helped the new mother maneuver her carriage out of the elevator.

I made it to the restaurant and my DH and I had a magnificent meal.

In my next post I'll tell you about my adventure to the movie theater... VIP tickets. Ben & Jerrys. Champagne and chocolate.... and I fell asleep! Oops, guess there won't be much to tell.

I love my quiet life....

Mompetitors from Down Under (and I don't mean Australia)

2010-10-10T09:22:00.000-07:00

I first saw this piece of hilarity on a blog I like to read and I had to watch it at least 4 times before I could stop laughing. I guess part of the humor in it was being able to caricature-ize some of the very conversations I have felt myself *cornered* into. As a friend, I tend to keep most of my opinions to myself while my Inner Voice is extremely critical of me - sometimes holding myself to standards not even the fictional Blondie Mompetitor could keep up with... which in turn leads to severe MGS (mommy guilt syndrome) AKA sleepless nights and empty ice-cream cartons.

A few facts you may not know about me:

I breastfeed my babies without schedules until they wean naturally
We have a *limited* family bed - my babies sleep between me and a mesh bed rail until they are ready to sleep through the night (anywhere from 6 months to 2 years depending on the kid)
We do not have Cable TV or any TV in our home and our kids don't play video/computer games (yet?)
I don't use cloth diapers -we use Pampers and Huggies and that's because there is a huge water shortage in my country AND I have enough laundry to do....

While I do enjoy living in a somewhat sheltered bubble that we've created for our family, I also lead my life as an open-minded, loving, and accepting person. I hope that's who I am perceived as too err... and on that note I bring you the horrifying M O M P E T I T O R S!

The Settled Baby

2010-10-10T07:15:00.000-07:00

I own a few parenting books ranging from breastfeeding and child development to general parenting. One of my favorites is Your Baby & Child by Penelope Leach and every once in a while I browse through and read about the stage my baby is in. Leach writes in a loving tongue rarely putting things in stark black and white. She is pro-breastfeeding but non-judgmental about bottle feeding. She encourages thoughtful and loving parenting. Her book is beautifully illustrated with colorful photographs of parents and babies in sometimes inspiring realistic photos. Leach writes loosely when it comes to baby milestones such as sitting, crawling, and walking. Never does she state a specific week or age that Baby should say his first word or take her first step. Penelope Leach divides baby stages into Newborn 0-3 months, The Settled Baby: up to 6 months, The Older Baby 6-12 months etc..
A *Settled Baby* defined by baby expert, Penelope Leach, is,

"A manageable proposition. You can tell how he likes to be handled even if it is not the way you would choose to handle him. You know what to expect from him even if it is the worst. You know what frightens him even if it is almost everything. Above all, you can tell when he is happy, however seldom that may be, and when he is miserable, even if that is almost always. So once your baby is settled you know what you are up against. Instead of trying to survive from hour to hour, get through another day, avoid thinking about another week, you can begin to work and plan for reasonable compromises between his needs and those of everyone else."

Well, based on Penelope Leach's fine words, I am declaring myself a *Settled Mama*. For the first time in a long while, I feel like I can go to bed at night pretty much knowing what the next day will bring. I know that baby E will be waking me at around 5:30 AM. I'll get to snuggle in bed with her for about an hour. By 6:25 I'll have leaped out of bed and head downstairs after having washed and dressed myself and 2 out of 5 kids. By 6:45 I'm well into the morning marathon of packing lunches for the 4 bigger kids, facilitating serving of breakfast, brushing little teeth and styling my young daughters hair. By 7:35 we're all out-the-door getting my son to his bus-stop, and driving H. to preschool and A. and M. to school.

I reap calmness in knowing that my 4th grade daughter no longer loathes school and she made new friends that she even brings home for play-dates. My 2nd grade daughter is excelling in every subject and no longer exhibiting strange blinking habits. I feel relief knowing that my son is getting used going to kindergarten in the special education system and he is thriving!

I feel settled. I drive home after dropping the kids off. It's usually around 8:00 AM. I have coffee. I read my e-mails and log in to Facebook... By the time I head out to pick up my 3-year old from preschool, I've done a few loads of laundry, washed the floors and dishes, or possibly gone grocery shopping. I've breastfed baby E. many times and I don't keep count. I've written new articles on my website and checked how much Google money I've made... I might have gone out for a 2 hour power-walk with baby E. I'm settled. It feels GREAT!

New Dawn, New Day, and all that

2010-08-19T23:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know what possessed me to stay up so late last night writing that dark post about Super-Mom but I did it and I don't delete posts. I was up with Baby E. at dawn. By 6 AM we came downstairs so that little E. could play with toys on her quilt and not accidentally roll off of my bed! The 4 bigger kids were already up and playing down in the playroom. My eldest daughter came and took little E. to play with them in the playroom and I went back to sleep for TWO whole hours!!! I feel like a new mama.

Tears Not From Joy

2010-08-19T14:37:00.000-07:00

We took a trip to visit my parents a mildly long drive away. We stayed for 3 days. Everything was relaxed and taken care of. My mom cooked delicious meals. The kids played with my childhood toys. We swam in the pool and enjoyed the water slide. My dad gave my two big kids extra special time and attention. I got to chat lots with my mom. We stayed up late watching movies together. Baby E. and I slept in every morning. Perfect. Super. Lots of photo op.s and smiles and puppies... well, cute little dogs that look like puppies.

But. So. I am Super-Mom. Super-Woman. Super-Wife. Super. Super. Super full of shhhhhh.... Each day magnified the imperfections and the so-not-super-ness that is me. That is my almost-9-year-old telling me to get lost. My 4 year old son reverting to communicating via loud grunts, throwing things, and even hitting me. My nearly-3-year-old daughter telling me amongst other things, "Don't tell me what to do Mommy!" and my 7-year-old daughter proclaiming, "You don't even care about me Mommy.". Where the hell are you, Super-Mom, that I am supposed to be? Why? Why aren't you ever enough? Why are you crying Super-Mom?! Super-Mom, why are you crying tears not from joy?

Back to School Blues

2010-08-14T23:57:00.000-07:00

In my town, the kids have summer vacation from school for 2 months. School ends as soon as July begins and the kids are back in the classroom again on September 1st. I hate school. I know that my mom will disagree with me for saying this but I have always hated it. I'm not 100% sure but I think it's the schedules and the rules that get me down. I'm not a planner and I like to be able to do things on a whim - wake up at 7 am and have a lazy morning and then go to the beach from morning til sundown. I like taking the kids places and we rarely have time during the school year with our kids in school 6 days per week...

I bought all of the kids school books and supplies. A. and M. have their school backpacks from last year and I'm thinking about buying Z. a new one for kindergarten. Little H. is starting her first day of pre-school. I am not excited about not having her around but I know she will love being with kids her age everyday. I hope she has a great first experience. H. is not one for rules and schedules yet either... so I hope she adjusts easily.

A. is going into 4th grade and M. is starting 2nd. It'll be just little E. and me everyday from 8 til 1:30.... time to whip out the jogger and get into shape!

Burnt Out?

2010-08-12T04:23:00.000-07:00

My last post before restarting here was called, Whoever Says It Gets Harder Than This is Lying, and then I didn't post for almost a year and 8 months. A lot has happened. A surprising pregnancy. A miscarriage. A pregnancy. A birth. A beautiful new baby daughter.
There are times where I get so wrapped up in enjoying my 5 closely-spaced children; reading with them, playing games, doing art projects. There are many moments where I just sit and watch them with my heart bursting with love and pride. But sometimes I have scary thoughts. Sometimes I want to run away and be me again. Sometimes I lie awake in the night wondering if I'm a good mom. Am I burnt out? Did I do it right? Will I have regrets? Thank goodness for the long night and bless the new day....

Painful Potty Training

2010-08-11T05:33:00.001-07:00

It's true. I have 5 kids. Four of them are potty trained and my nearly 7 month old wears diapers. I admit to being an itsy bitsy bit lazy when it comes to potty training and a real pushover for a toddler begging for a diaper... but I digress. We've overcome those hurdles. Right now I'm dealing with my cat who insists that the bathtub drain is her own personal toilet! We have had, Sarafina, for about 3 years. She came to us as a 3-year-old 2nd hand cat named, Mickey. (Who names a girl cat, Mickey???). She is pretty much free to come and go as she pleases but lately we've all noticed that Sarafina prefers to pee in the bathtub drain! I give the cat credit for making it into the correct room of the house however I am sick of disinfecting the bathtub every single day. I need suggestions. Has anyone ever successfully potty trained a cat to pee on the toilet?

Mom, Are You On Google?

2010-08-10T01:14:00.001-07:00

It's been a while since my last post... er, about 1 year and 8 months! I have no idea what inspired me to get back on here but here I am.

I just logged into my account and my daughter, A., came to peer over my shoulder.
A. saw my Google account on the screen with my photo and she exclaimed, "Mom! Are you on Google?"

I answered, "Yes.".

She looked at me. At the screen. At me.

"Mom, are you famous?!"

Whoever Says It Gets Harder Than This Is Lying...

2009-01-13T02:00:00.000-08:00

I have 4 kids. Their ages are 7, 5, 3, and 1. I usually do not sleep more than 4 hours straight. I am chronically sleep deprived and I know it. I wake up to nurse, to soothe, to bring drinks, to tuck in... I love my children and this part of being their mom. Sometimes being their mom is like a beautiful fairytale... imagine rainbows above, bunnies and puppies frolicking in the distance and my 4 little darlings and me having a joyful time playing....

Now imagine this... it's 3:30 pm. I've just picked up my 7 year old and 5 year old daughters from school with three year old son and 1 year old daughter. My oldest daughter, A., announces that she has a birthday party this afternoon... in 30 minutes. We NEED to buy a present. Okay! I can do this! Drive to nearest bookstore! Find the perfect book for a 7 year old! In the store my daughter, A., aged 7 begs for some stickers, and a DVD, and a new umbrella... M., my 5 year old is running up and down the aisles singing - loudly. Z., my3 year old son is opening and closing the expensive looking umbrella that A. is begging to buy. H., the baby... where is she? Oh no, she just ran out of the store... A stranger is stopping her. H. screams. I thank the stranger as I soothe H. and run back into the store.

I'm losing it. Four against one and I am definitely not keeping up! I want to shout, "Stop it right now!", but I don't. I smile at the passers-by who seem to think my bouncing munchkins are "so cute"... and look at my watch. 15 minute until the party. I grab a nice looking book, Little Women, I dash for the checkout - gift wrap it - A. signs the card and we're heading for the car... Getting into the car, buckling 4 car seats is another story!

As a very busy and overworked mom... I often receive advice from all types of well meaning folk. A common comment I get is, "Oh wait until they're older! Then you'll really have your hands full!" or, "You think this is tough? Just wait until you have teenagers!"... Well, I'd like to thank all of my loving fans for your blessings for future hardship but quite frankly, I disagree. Do teenagers wake you up several times in the night? Do your older children contribute to sleep deprivation? Are you constantly cleaning just to maintain a sanitary home? Do you wipe tushies? Change diapers? Do you chase 4 little ones in 4 different directions??? I love my 4 little children and I also know that they are hard work! This is as hard as it gets! I know there will be more complicated issues to challenge and push us to our limits as they grow BUT... I will have more sanity, more sleep, and more time to breathe. When I have more sleep I believe I will be much more fit to handle the challenges that come!

Fast-forward... it's 7 pm and all of the kids are tucked into their beds. I've had kisses and hugs. The house is quiet. I have time to reflect on moments of my day... when A. read quietly for an hour on her own and M. poured her own cereal and milk and Z. said, "Give me love" and planted a huge kiss on my face, and H. laughed... I remember how lucky I am.

Legacy Built From Lego

2007-06-03T10:45:00.000-07:00

Now here is a man who makes fun for a living... or has fun making a living? Either way, Nathan Sawaya is a artist whose main medium is Lego. No sculpture is too large or too small and many of his creative designs are more adult than what one may expect from Lego. A sample of his work can be found on the CNN website.

Nathan Sawaya's workspace is an explosion of color.
Clear plastic crates stuffed with LEGO bricks in every hue are stacked high against the walls. A computer sits on the floor, but it's not functional. The red, yellow and blue replica is made entirely of LEGO.
In fact, everything in the room is made of LEGO; a cash register, a monkey, a bowl of fruit, a vase of flowers.
Now people can get an even closer look. Sawaya's national touring exhibit, "The Art of the Brick," is making the rounds. The collection was viewed by tens of thousands at the Lancaster Museum of Art in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Its next stop is

the Discovery Center Museum in Rockford, Illinois, on June 15; it will stay there until September 3.

Wow! That is an exhibit I would enjoy seeing! I wonder if he glues the pieces together....

When I'm Old and Gray...

2007-05-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

When I'm old and gray... perhaps 60... I hope to be alive and well! There are many hopes and dreams that I imagine being mine at 60 - and not one of them happens to be going through in-vitro fertilization, pregnancy, and giving birth via Caesarean section to twins!

This was a choice that psychologist, Frieda Birnbaum, hopes to spread to other women. According to Birnbaum, "It's really basically about women and empowerment," she said in an interview with NBC's Today show.

Birnbaum, who underwent in-vitro fertilization last year at a South African clinic that specializes in older women, gave birth by Caesarean section on Tuesday at Hackensack University Medical Center.

"I don't feel like I went through a lot of trauma during delivery or even through the process of being pregnant," Birnbaum said.

The hospital said she was the nation's oldest mother of twins.

"Age has been redefined," Birnbaum said.

She and her husband, Ken, a New York City attorney, have been married for 38 years and have three other children — sons ages 33 and 6 and a daughter, 29.

The couple wanted another child closer in age to their youngest son, and Birnbaum's husband said it was his idea for his wife to become pregnant instead of adopting.

"I couldn't be happier about the way it worked out," Ken Birnbaum told "Today."

Their daughter has said she worries about Birnbaum taking care of the twins when they're in their teens and she's in her late 70s — concerns dismissed by Birnbaum on Thursday.

I look forward to being "empowered" with retirement, enjoying my grandkids... and perhaps even menopause by the time I'm Frieda Birnbaum's age. No comment on breastfeeding at age 60.

Pool Time!

2007-05-18T04:24:00.000-07:00

Last week at this time it was raining and cold....

The weather has taken a sudden turn and now it's hot. Atara decided that it's time to haul out the kiddie-pool so we cleaned it out and filled it up.

The timing is great because their new sun-guard bathing suits just arrived from America - via Amazon.com - via my Aunt Marci! Thank you!!!

I love these suits and think they are adorable!

Right now, Zach is not too happy... he wants to go out and be in the pool too. I guess I'll need to accommodate....

Garden in Progress

2007-05-18T03:06:00.000-07:00

The weeds are whacked and it's time to plant! That's Atara standing in our backyard with the dry dead weeds - much better than the jungle that was here about a week ago! We are in hurry to get the grass and watering system in before Shmita begins.

Yesterday afteroon Atara, Maya, Zach and I had a good time "exploring" in the garden... though we were unable to locate the tortoise with the red heart on it's shell. The tortoise has been living in our garden and we painted a red heart on it's shell with nail-polish so we'd be able to identify if it was the same tortoise each time!

Yesterday I planted some flowers...
it was fun going to the nursery and choosing all types of plants and flowers. We already have quite a few fruit trees, palms, and bushes. Our yard is lacking in color so I chose quite a few flower-type things.
I am not quite sure of all of the names of the flowers. When choosing what to buy I made sure to select the *heartiest* types of flowers and ground-cover. I plan to only plant things that grow year-round and won't die after one season.

Bad Father Of The Year Award Goes To....

2007-05-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

19-year old Joshua Royce Mauldin was blessed with a baby girl - born only two months ago. What a lucky man he is and yet for reasons one can only dream of (in their worst nightmares) Daddy Mauldin put his 2-month old baby girl into a microwave oven in an Arkansas motel.

The baby girl sustained burns on her face and left hand. She was hospitalized early Thursday and yesterday underwent a second skin graft performed by University of Texas Medical Branch physicians at Galveston's Shriners Burns Hospital.

This despicable monster faces indictment for felony injury to a child, which carries a maximum sentence of from five to 99 years in prison and a fine up to $10,000... injury to a child? I wonder what Joshua Royce Mauldin was thinking as he placed his baby daughter in the microwave oven - which setting did he chose and how many minutes did he *time* his little girl to be "injured"?

People do not microwave their children in order to "injure" them. The only other such "microwave injury" case I could find was about the Ohio murder suspect, China Arnold, who killed her month old baby, Paris Talley, in a microwave oven in August 2005.

Daddy Mauldin needs to be put on trial for attempted murder.

If Only Humans Were This Kind

2007-05-17T07:39:00.000-07:00

Meet, Huani, a mixed breed farm dog who has taken on the task of nursing three baby tigers who were rejected by their mother. This mixed-species "family" resides at the Jinan Paomaling Wild Animal World in Shandong, China.

While cross-nursing in Humans is rare in Western society in less developed countries it is more common. Often an orphaned infant will be breastfed by an extended family member.

Wouldn't our world be a better place with more *people* like Huani?

What is Wrong With This Story?

2007-05-16T05:33:00.000-07:00

I found this heartwarming story on Cnn.com:

"Bubba" Ludwig can't walk, talk or open the refrigerator door -- but he does have his very own Illinois gun permit.

The 10-month-old, whose given name is Howard David Ludwig, was issued a firearm owner's identification card after his father, Howard Ludwig, paid the $5 fee and filled out the application, not expecting to actually get one.

The card lists the baby's height (2 feet, 3 inches), weight (20 pounds) and has a scribble where the signature should be.

With some exceptions, the cards are required of any Illinois residents purchasing or possessing firearms or ammunition within the state. There are no age restrictions on the cards, an official said.

Illinois State Police oversee the application process. Their purpose, said Lt. Scott Compton, is to keep guns out of the hands of convicted felons, those under an order of protection and those convicted of domestic violence.

"Does a 10-month-old need a FOID card? No, but there are no restrictions under the act regarding age of applicants," he said.

Ludwig, 30, of Chicago, applied for the card after his own father bought Bubba a 12-gauge Beretta shotgun as a gift. The weapon will probably be kept at Ludwig's father's house until the boy is at least 14.

There are so many things wrong with this, I do not no where to begin.

Record Breaking Breastfeeding

2007-05-04T02:37:00.000-07:00

This is interesting:

Up to 4,000 mothers in the Philippines have taken part in a nationwide attempt to set a new world record for simultaneous breast-feeding.
It is part of a campaign by Unicef, the UN's Children's Fund, and advocacy groups to highlight the benefits.
Last year, at least 3,541 mothers set a record for breast-feeding their babies simultaneously at a single site in the capital, Manila.
Unicef says too few Filipinas are aware of the benefits of breast over formula.
A partial, unofficial count showed that at least 3,608 mothers took part in the record-breaking attempt nationwide, according to the event organisers and government officials.
Only 16% of Philippine children between four and five months old are exclusively breast-fed while 13% of mothers do not breast-feed at all, believing they do not have enough milk, according to Unicef.
"We need every possible way to get the message out that Philippine mothers should breast-feed exclusively for six months and then continue to breast-feed for two years and beyond with household foods," said Dale Rutstein, Unicef's spokesman.
"Unfortunately, through advertising, most Philippine mothers now believe that artificial forms of foods for babies are actually better than breast milk," he said.
Unicef says breast-feeding can help curb malnutrition in children and boost their immune system. It is also cheaper than bottle-feeding.

First Time Motherhood

2007-05-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

I was born yearning to become a mother. I remember continuing to play with dolls late into my childhood, imagining so intensely that they were my real little babies. As the oldest and only girl in the family, I was privileged to participate in the joys of nurturing real babies starting with my first brother, 18 months younger than me, down to my fifth brother, 17 years my junior. In our family, breastfeeding was the only way to feed a baby. My mother tandem nursed my brother and me side by side, I observed my mother breastfeeding my twin brothers past their second birthdays, and, in my teen years, I had a more mature view as my youngest brothers, born 16 months apart, were breastfed. My mother had a natural attitude and manner about breastfeeding. Her availability to each of her children was pronounced in so many ways, beginning at the breast when we were young and developing into so much more as we grew.

For 25 years, I dreamt of becoming a mother. My first, A., was born in 2001 and weighed 9 lbs. She was a 43 week baby and I was induced. That was rough. I didn't have the dream 100% natural birth I'd wanted because labor did not progress at first and they kept cranking up the pitocin! Finally after 12 hours I caved in and took the epidural... everything happened after that - I relaxed, I dilated and I was able to push her out in a *mere* 3 hours even with a fairly liberal episiotomy! I remember not feeling the contractions and having to fake it – pushing according to the monitors. She was obviously "overcooked", peeling, super-long finger/toe nails, scrawny.... the placenta was calcified and looked like one side was covered in bone! All of the staff on the OB floor came into my room to stare at it! I hemorrhaged which was pretty scary. The medical staff pumped me full of fluids, packed me with ice and kept pushing on my abdomen until the bleeding was under control and they could stitch me up.

After the long and tedious labor, my daughter, A., latched onto me with vigor and only stopped suckling when the midwives took her to be examined while I recovered from the hemorrhage. Our breastfeeding relationship continued strong and we co-slept.

She is now a beautiful 5 and a half year old kindergardner believe it or not. She is the epitome of girly-girl! Pink and purple are her favorite colors and playing with dolls, making beaded jewelry, and drawing princesses are some of her favorite activities. Being a girly-girl doesn’t stop her from collecting snails and bugs in the garden as my firstborn daughter is also a nature enthusiast. She spends hours outdoors speaking with the butterflies and plucking flowers.

She is the one who made me a mother. We spent a full 17 months enjoying each other. She only left my arms to explore the world and rarely sat in a stroller and always wanted to be in the sling. When she was eight months old I became pregnant again....

Konaki Sumo

2007-05-01T01:23:00.000-07:00

Is this disturbing or is it just me? This is how the tradition of Sumo Baby Crying Contests are promoted to tourists:

It's always a delight to see a grown man yell at an infant until, frightened and confused, it bursts into tears. At this traditional 'konaki' (crying) sumo festival pairs of babies under one year old are pitted against each other.
The babies are placed facing each other and the temple priest then stands between them and shouts and waves at them until one child cries. Surprisingly this is one occasion when it pays to be a cry baby - for the child who cries first (or loudest if the poor little things burst into tears simultaneously) is proclaimed the winner of the bout! The delighted parents then hoist the distressed child aloft to face another trauma - a battery of camera flashes.

Of course there is always the odd child who refuses to play by the rules and confounds everyone by either falling asleep or giggling. Based on the old Japanese proverb that 'crying babies grow fast', the louder the child wails, the more the gods are thought to have blessed the child with good health.

This extraordinary ritual has a history of at least 400 years and is thought to have originated as a service to honour a child priest who lived at the temple long ago.
I'm sorry... I just don't get it. I certainly would never agree to enter my baby into this ritual ceremony or contest or whatever it is and I just find it unfair and frightening.

Family Of Five… and Cat Makes Six?

2007-04-29T22:43:00.001-07:00

I love animals. Growing up, we always had at least one cat and one dog. There was usually a pair of hamsters named Peter and Gonzalo, plus or minus a gerbil, a parrot… later there were sheep, goats, chickens, ducks, and rabbits… fish…. My parents still have their dog and cat and a pair of exotic birds. The days of the hamsters are long gone!

I have wanted a pet for a while. I think it’s a great experience for children. Of course children learn responsibility; feeding, cleaning and caring yet most importantly the feelings that animals invoke in us – especially compassion. I would like for my own children to learn how to experience what someone else might be feeling… animals help us do this and we sure could use a lot more of that emotion; compassion in our world!

My Dr. Doolittle eldest daughter has been asking for a pet for months and months. A couple of yeas ago we adopted a baby guinea pig named, Polly-Pocket, that she cared for so attentively until sadly, it died suddenly in the night. She was devastated; a lesson in death.

Recently a young man posted on our community e mail list that he was looking for a home for his very friendly, spayed and vaccinated, white, female 3-year old cat. I inquired… and yesterday afternoon, we became acquainted with, ???-The-big-white-cat! My 3 were overcome with excitement – they chased and cornered The Cat, who was very accommodating! She did not hiss or bite or even flinch! She calmly allowed all three kids and a friend to pet her and attempt lifting her. After a time of this treatment I encouraged all 4 children to step back and let The Cat get to know us.

We have moved onto the great name debate. So far the top nominated names are the highly original: Polly-Pocket (again), Snowball, Snow White, and Berele… I’ll keep you updated.

The Nostalgic Mood

2007-04-28T23:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I’m embraced with one of those Nostalgic Moods – I can sit for hours reading old journals ad notebooks, pouring over photo albums, “What year did I pose in that light blue, 4-H project dress?”, “What was that girl-from-the-second-grade named?”, “I remember that day at the beach….” and memories flow through my mind as if I’m living through them right here and now. When I was a kid, my parents took all of our photos on slide film so we never saw any of the pictures until years later when Mom and Dad were in the Nostalgic Mood and we’d have night-long slide shows. We’d all huddle together on the floor of the living room, maybe there was popcorn, and Dad would sit there smiling with tears rolling down his face as we all grew up on the big white wall.

I had a Nostalgic Mood on Friday night. It was 7’o clock and I had just put the 2 girls to bed, my son had fallen asleep in my arms nursing – so I carried him up to his bed. When I’m pregnant, I have these moods often. I reminisce about each birth and relive the moments minute by minute. I remember my husband and myself sitting down to eat dinner on our balcony the evening before my first daughter was born, in October, 2001. I remember me not eating, wondering if the contractions I was feeling were “real” (at nearly 43 weeks) or “false”. In the moments of her birth I remember feeling such an enormous almost-power enter my body. After over 24 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing, the most beautiful cone-headed, long, slender baby was born. Of course, I became a mother at that moment and just months shy of 26 it was as if I had gone from being a carefree young wife to a woman. The album containing the birth photos is full of emotions. My hands and arms with IVs and tubes wrapped around and poking out covered in dry blood, cradling my tightly wrapped daughter. My hair is beautifully disheveled and my tired face glows with joy. My young boy husband beams out of the photos, awkwardly holding our baby for the first time. Other photos show my parents beaming, holding their first grandchild. There are pictures of my two youngest brothers, 9 and10-year old uncles, reaching out to touch their niece. Later photos show my dad sleeping soundly with my baby girl nestled in the crook of his arm, each of my 18-year old twin brothers cuddling her to sleep. It’s Friday night in 2007 and I’m transported back 5 and a half years ago to a time so different in my life. I’m a new mother and my dreams and plans for motherhood and parenting are a giant, long secret rolled up in front of me.

I hear my toddler son stir in his sleep and I’m snapped back to my 31-year old life as a pregnant mother of three, sitting on my brown leather couch, propped up with cushions, and surrounded by photo albums. It’s time to sit down to dinner with my husband – just the two of us.

Mother's Love Goes Beyond Her Eggs

2007-04-27T03:25:00.000-07:00

I have been blessed. I have experienced the miracle of becoming pregnant 4 times. I have witnessed the miracle of birth 3 times.

I fell in love with each of my children instantly and like many mothers, I would sacrifice myself for each of them – if needed. I would give my life to save my child and I would certainly give them an organ; some liver, a kidney… if G’d forbid, that was what was needed to save my child’s life I would give it to them!

So what is the big deal about donating some eggs to a daughter? That’s what 36-year-old Melanie Boivin of Montreal Canada is doing for her 7-year old daughter, who was born sterile due to a genetic disorder called, Turner Syndrome. Her eggs will be frozen for 20 to 25 years and will be thawed, fertilized, and implanted if her daughter chooses to become pregnant using her mother's eggs.

The media and the critics focus on the fact that Melanie’s daughter will be giving birth to her biological half-sibling and Boivin will become a mother and a grandmother. Why is that such an “ethical” debate? I think this is a lovely story showing the boundless love of a mother for her daughter. No doubt Ms. Boivin has endured painful and invasive examinations and procedures and would be there to do it again and more if it meant providing her daughter with the great gift of motherhood.

Is Breastfeeding In Public Legal?

2007-04-27T00:11:00.000-07:00

Is breastfeeding in public legal? Many moms wouldn't think twice about stopping in the local coffee shop to nurse their hungry baby. I wouldn't. The recent news story about the woman in Boca Raton who was asked to leave a Florida eatery for breastfeeding is a suitable example of why breastfeeding moms need to know their rights. She was nursing her baby son during a family dinner at Houston's when management asked her to leave. Unsure of her rights to breastfeed in public the young mother left to finish feeding her hungry baby in her parked car.

According to a Florida law, women have an unconditional right to breast-feed anywhere, public or private, covered or uncovered. The bottom line is, she was doing nothing wrong - nothing against the law. While I am sorry for the humiliation this young mother was put through, I hope it brings some attention to the issue. Breastfeeding in public is natural and women and babies have the right to do it anytime and anywhere. As long as public opinion remains divided, people who are offended by it need to look the other way... or perhaps they should be the ones asked to go finish their meal in a parked car.